From Christmas Posts Past:
While shopping at a favorite department store last week, I was aurally assaulted by a Christmas song so bad (see #2) that it made me want to run, screaming, from the shop.
I refused to abandon the too-good-to-be-true deals I’d collected while I waited, outside, for my ears to stop bleeding. Instead I persevered, getting through the next 01:52 by sticking my fingers in my ears, chanting “lalalalalalalalalalala” and wondering what other songs might make me flee.
I thought it would be fun to ask family, friends and a few folks out on the street what Yuletide tunes sucked the holiday cheer out of them, put them off their chestnut, made them consider kicking an elf. Then I’d compile a list to share with others. little blog’s Top Ten Most Annoying Christmas Songs 2010 is the result.
Here’s the countdown, complete with sample jams. Click, click, click if you dare.
#10 Jingle Bells (Don Charles and Friends)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/Jingle-Bells-Dogs.mp3|titles=Jingle Bells Dogs]
If you’ve heard this once, you really never need to hear it again: the incessant barking of dogs, tonally configured to the tune of Jingle Bells. Mildly amusing the first time. After that, you’re suddenly seeing the benefits of cat ownership.
#9 Little Saint Nick (Beach Boys)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/little-st-nick.mp3|titles=Little Saint Nick]
What’s with the abundance of articles? “It’s the little Saint Nick?” The little Saint Nick? What does that mean? Uh, it means that the “run, run reindeer” part is coming next. Run! RUN!
#8 Christmas Time All Over the World (Sammy Davis Jr)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/Christmastime-All-Over-.mp3|titles=Christmas Time All Over]
It’s not the Sammy so much as the tone deaf children that come in to back him. Anticipate extreme displeasure when the first few strains hit your ears. Not a problem after that, as there’s a good chance your eardrums will implode.
#7 Happy Xmas (John Lennon, Yoko Ono)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/Happy-Xmas.mp3|titles=Happy Xmas]
We were all in agreement on this one:
Yoko Ono should not be allowed to sing.
Ever.
#6 Santa Baby (Madonna)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/Santa-Baby.mp3|titles=Santa Baby]
Madonna channels Betty Boop.
Must have been a bad connection.
Madge, your version is POOP, POOP-ie-doo.
#5 Christmas Don’t be Late (Alvin and the Chipmunks)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/Christmas-Dont-be-Late.mp3|titles=Christmas Don’t Be Late]
I have to admit, I was surprised to see this on so many of your please-don’t-playlists. Then I realized that most of you who included it have children — who probably play it incessantly. I won’t print here what one of you suggested doing with the hula hoop. Consider this my gift to you.
#4 We Wish You a Merry Christmas (ANY version)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/We-Wish-You-a-Merry-Christmas.mp3|titles=We Wish You a Merry Christmas]
Who are these people? You didn’t invite them. They simply showed up and started singing. Sure, they just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas — in the beginning. But now they are in your face, demanding figgy pudding. Excuse me, did they just say they won’t go until they get some? That they want you to bring it right here? Is it me, or is the “dammit” implied? The sopranos are sounding shrill. This could get ugly.
#3 Santa Claus is Coming to Town (Bruce Springsteen)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/Santa-Claus-is-Coming-to-Town.mp3|titles=Santa Claus is Coming to Town]
Nothing says Christmas joy like the sound of a man pushing out the words “Saaaaaaanta Claus is comin’ to town” like a bowel movement.
Enough said.
#2 Jingle Bells (Barbra Streisand)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/Jingle-Bells-Babs.mp3|titles=Jingle Bells Barbra]
This song is a travesty. The staccato delivery of j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jingle bells could quite possibly trigger epileptic seizure — in someone who is not epileptic.
#1 Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (Elmo and Patsy)
[audio:http://littleblog.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/Grandma-Got-Run-Over.mp3|titles=Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer]
Yep. 85% of those polled listed this song as their top offender. And you didn’t just find it annoying. You hated it — HATED it (the “dammit” was not implied; you actually added it). If only Grandma had looked both ways….
Many thanks to all of you who participated in this little Christmas presentation. And now, here’s a little lagniappe: Honorable Mentions!
Do They Know it’s Christmas (Band Aid)
Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey (Lou Monte)
Little Drummer Boy
Snoopy’s Christmas (The Royal Guardsmen)
Jingle Bell Rock (Bobby Helms)
A Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney)
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas (Gayla Peevey)
Twelve Days of Christmas
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is tops. Followed by Drummer Boy.